Tolerance

Look at the title once more.
Yes, it means the willingness to recognize and accept others "cultural".
Especially for those who live under one roof.

I'm learning to be patient. All and all I was just trying to do was to nurture an environment to allow myself to have a sense of belonging under this roof.
Cleanliness and tidiness.
I wonder how I stand with it.

I guess I finally know why I always miss home. Despite of the reason that I'm a 100% mummy-and-daddy's girl, it is mainly because I don't feel like a home under this roof.

One of the house-mates just can't be bothered.
Enough. I don't feel like ranting about him over here, since I just said that he can't be bothered.

I read through the recent political issues in Malaysia these few days.
The exact same song is being played, over and over again.
Racist issues; they never stop mentioning it from time to time.
The way how people with the same skin color as mine were treated, it is an open secret.
This is tolerance as well.

Somehow and somewhat, it must be within an extent without crossing a boundary.

Who cares even if you're wailing in anger and anguish besides our own truly loving family ?
They are those in a million that will tolerate with our attitudes and everything that we have done wrong.

I hate seeing one of my house-mates, how she held the conversation with her family.
I saw her mom tried her best to give everything that she could, but she just don't give a damn over it.
I feel like yelling at her face sometimes, but I did not. This is because, it is none of my business. I don't bother because she isn't anyone to me. Just as simple as a house-mate for a period of 2 years.

Till then. Bye.

Stay Outta My Way

*clear throat*
*squall*

!@#$%^&*!@#$%^&*!@#$%^&*

Al-right, I shall stop abusing my blog. I fcuking hate one of my tutors very much, attending his class is inevitably an excruciation, because he never stops reproach his students, yes, we are the victims.

However, he is only a small character. It doesn't worth wailing in anger just because of a diminutive yet pathetic him. Enough. Period.

It's been 6 weeks, since I left home. From Monday, I will be counting-down the days to be back home, until Friday.

Ops-a-daisy, am I suppose to be blogging now ? (*whispering to myself*)

(Actually I should be memorizing chemical reaction by now for tomorrow's Mid Term)

Till then. I can't wait to be back home.

*muah*

Descriptive ?

It's darn difficult for me to decribe my own feelings and dilemma right now.
Challenges are irrefutably my biggest fears, let alone I have to leave my dearest family. They are my pillar, my source of strength, in conclusion, they've made up every single piece of me.
For your information, I'm staying at Wangsa Maju, aka MANGSA Maju.
Victims survive or NOT from criminals and robbers. *cross fingers* I pray to Gohonzon for every single one in my member house, for their safety.

Mundane life has just started. Time to struggle, try to keep up with my resolution --- do not procrastinate.
So far, I'm still able to obey my own command. Perhaps I know thyself a little bit more, I'm demanded to do so.

This is the only day, where I sleep after 12 am, during the previous two weeks , I was already sleeping like a pig on my bed. (upper deck of double decker)
My alarm clock, the antique type ones, fell from my bed and almost hit my roomate.
Phew.... so close!
Dad, mom and sis, I miss you.
Sis, I feel lonely without your singing.
Dad, I feel very lonely without seeing you reading newspaper with your spec at the couch.
Mom, I feel even lonely without you chit-chatting to me everyday. Phone calling is never enough !

Geezzzz, I don't get to go home this weekend...
I don't give a damn, I WANT to go HOME. I shall figure it out. Home-sick.
Home sweet home is inevitably true.

Nite people. Adioz.

Fallen Apart...

I guess it's really true that I am notoriously prone to draw myself into utter ruefulness.
I've never stop wreaking havoc into my life, gave my heart vigorous rips and then drenched in anguish and torment. Over and over again.
I was constantly afflicted with the same kind of problem since the higher level of secondary.

I thought,

• If you truly love someone, try your best to lift up the barriers that separate you from them by accepting everything that they make you feel. The "everything" that I meant is including the weaknesses and flaws of your love ones. Nobody's perfect, regardless of how they'd claimed themselves with self-pride.
• You open yourselves not only for their hugs and kisses, but their insecurities and pettiness.

Love ain't about comfort, ease and mere fulfilment of desire. It should be about giving first, then only receiving. Have you ever heard about "give-and-take" ?
No one essentially knows what is about unconditional love, besides our own truly loving parents. Don't you agree ?

Desire ...
I was once standing hopelessly at the brick of his desires. His dream to have a young pretty lass, both inner and outer, could be impossible and unattainable for me.
He'd desired to have a perfect girl, from his point of view I meant. I do not know what's the means of perfection to him, but it's more than enough for me to withdraw myself from his life.
This is why when he requested for a break-up, I was being understanding to set him free again, to hunt for someone who's able to fulfil his desire.

I'm not someone who will feel happier to flit from one person to the next like a hummingbird, sucking nectar from one, and then move to another one before its runs into emptiness.

For once again, I need to re-collect the broken pieces of my heart and re-articulate them into a whole fine piece.

I know there will always be a missing piece, to complete the puzzle but it is yet to be found out.
I will be moving on as the Earth would never stop revolving.

Why not all of us try loving someone more than what we want from them ? Just for them. Not because of the beauty that drew you closer to them, or the bubbly conversations that you'd had with them, or the delusional "feel" that was recrudesced at split second.
Love them for who they are but not who you want them to be.
Be responsible by committing yourselves to the relationship, don't hide yourselves from the problems but defeat every obstacle and hinder, by all means, if you really love them whole-heartedly.

According to my mentor, Daisaku Ikeda Sensei:

Real love is not about two people clinging to each other; it can only be fostered between two strong people secure in their individuality. A shallow person will only have shallow relationship. If you want to experience real love, it is important to first sincerely develop a strong self-identity.
True love is not about doing whatever the other person whats you to do or pretending you are something you're not.
If someone genuinely loves you, they will not force you to do anything against your will nor embroil you in some dangerous activity.

If you find that you are neglecting things you should be doing, forgetting your purpose in life because of the relationship you're in, then you might be on the wrong path. A healthy relationship is one in which two people encourage each other to reach their respective goals, while sharing each other's hopes and dreams.

Quoted by Antoine de Saint:

Love is not just looking at each other; it's looking in the same direction.

If I sacrifice my own growth and talent for love, I will absolutely not find hapiness. Till then, I should be paying enough attention for my coming Bachelor Degree.