The Past

Since young, I never fail to create an arrogant first impression to most people.
I'm indeed, very disappointed at the beginning. Pardon me. Yes, I hate it when this assumption was made.

How did I face this scenario? Initially, I had the intention to make explanation whenever people whom I first met tell me that I looked 'cool'. However, I was and I am still a young lass who hates routine, thus, I decided to shake it off.

This is because I can't change the structure of my face nor my expression. So, I decided to go along with it.
How?
Firstly, of course, being ignorant to people who point their fingers at me or tell me that I'm damn chesty.
Secondly, be even proud of having the face that I was born with.

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One of my old buddies called up few days ago. We talked and we laughed our hearts out upon reminiscing the old time.
He asked about my previous relationship as well. He said I was tough because I don't seem to portray a single piece of sadness through my expression.

Well, a typical question from him would be :" Do you have a boyfriend now ?"
Before I answer his question, he reminded me that I'd better be careful because I have went through several unsuccessful relationships, subsequently.
Unfruitful relationships, probably due to:
I may have met with a right person at the wrongest time or
I may have met with a wrong person at the right time.
I did not rant about anyone, it is 'me' that I feel disappoint with.

I don't want to talk about the right person or the wrong person or whatever or whoever that is. This is because when I reminiscent about those days, the assumption made by adults were unusually true.

I think I've wasted time for otiose undertakings that can never be undone. Like anticipation of the phone calls, dates, presents and go ga-ga about how he loved me. I've neglected my studies for people who did not cherish my love towards them. I know it ain't about the fairness and equality like, you will be loved as long as you love someone whole-heartedly. Heck cares.

I've forgotten what I'd actually told my buddy through the phone, but I remember I said that I will never want my shredded heart to experienced the same thing over and over again. Thankfully, the sweet relationship did not last for years. A quarter of a year was more than enough though.

Dear mommy, buddies, thank you for making the effort to build my self-esteem and confidence, by lending me your ears and shoulders, and wiping off my tears when I felt cheated. I couldn't be tough and strong enough to face myself if it wasn't because of you. I felt being cheated because, for all the false perception that I had gave on particular someone and exceeded the greatest limitation of my tolerance, a way of loving him, I thought. Or maybe, it was due to the delusive hopes and promises from him. Loser am I.

Where are thou ?

or

Where's thyself ?

I choose the latter because I want to befriend with my thoughts and every little tiny bits of me. The effort of understanding me, myself and I, hope it turns up brightly.

I want happiness to be mine.

Till then. muah.

Tolerance

Look at the title once more.
Yes, it means the willingness to recognize and accept others "cultural".
Especially for those who live under one roof.

I'm learning to be patient. All and all I was just trying to do was to nurture an environment to allow myself to have a sense of belonging under this roof.
Cleanliness and tidiness.
I wonder how I stand with it.

I guess I finally know why I always miss home. Despite of the reason that I'm a 100% mummy-and-daddy's girl, it is mainly because I don't feel like a home under this roof.

One of the house-mates just can't be bothered.
Enough. I don't feel like ranting about him over here, since I just said that he can't be bothered.

I read through the recent political issues in Malaysia these few days.
The exact same song is being played, over and over again.
Racist issues; they never stop mentioning it from time to time.
The way how people with the same skin color as mine were treated, it is an open secret.
This is tolerance as well.

Somehow and somewhat, it must be within an extent without crossing a boundary.

Who cares even if you're wailing in anger and anguish besides our own truly loving family ?
They are those in a million that will tolerate with our attitudes and everything that we have done wrong.

I hate seeing one of my house-mates, how she held the conversation with her family.
I saw her mom tried her best to give everything that she could, but she just don't give a damn over it.
I feel like yelling at her face sometimes, but I did not. This is because, it is none of my business. I don't bother because she isn't anyone to me. Just as simple as a house-mate for a period of 2 years.

Till then. Bye.

Brand New

University life is inevitably fun. Minus the bits that we have to struggle for better grades and just got to try our best to enjoy the remaining study life.
My friends' quote:
Play Hard, Study Harder.
I have a few comrades who are motivating and striving for better tomorrow,
which makes me to heart them. = )


Well, frankly speaking. I treasure friendship. Ah-ha ! University is a place for me to meet people from all walks of life and I will make it as colorful as I wish.

Till then, got to be back for my revision already. mwah.

Heart You.

Living away from home jeopardized my life. One of my friends asked me:" How would you survive if you were to be miles and miles away, across the oceans and lands to further your studies ?"
My answer was, "I don't know."

There are too much of dissatisfactions, and discomfort;
living under one roof with a bunch of strangers is awfully difficult.

It's like a routine, I will be staying over at my friend's crib at least once a week. Credit goes to Kenneth because he's the one who picks me up.Before I realize, it's already the 10th week of my first semester of degree. I'm scared, insecure and prayers do not seem to calm me.

Dearest peeps, so much so that I hope I could bump into yous somewhere, so that you could tell me I'm still as tough as the one you use to see.

Yesterday was disastrous. Mommy's handbag got snatched by a "motorcyclist".
I would rather my bag got snatch instead of mommy because her left arms got bruises and scratches.
I felt so bad, I kept blaming myself for not being protective enough.

The incident happened at USJ 9, in front of Vietnam Kitchen and Nam Heong Chicken Rice.
Happily walking out from Vietnam Kitchen to get the car and then pufffff, the big fat snatch thieve just grabbed my mom's bag and ran. I still able to call Citibank to freeze her Master card and bring mommy to the nearest police station for police report.

I got damn pissed off with the police officers and sergeant. But I know this is one of the specialties of our "beloved" country and minus the bits that they have different skin color as me. I felt so content as I teased the sergeant. Well done aight. =p
I am used to the environment of police station and how to talk to those pigs. Why? Thanks to the inhuman creature back in foundation semester 1.

Then, I drove back to Setapak and unload my stuff. It was already near to midnight. Parents and sister went back and then, I burst into tears.

Heartache and disappointment. Indeed.

I Heart you my mommy. I love all of you.
I Heart you my daddy. Happy Birthday. = )
Although I don't get to celebrate with you, and yesterday's dinner ended up with the unexpected incident, but I hope daddy has an enjoyable and blessed birthday.
I Heart you my sister. The cheeky one.
Take care of your studies and mommy daddy.

I will take good care of myself. No worries ya.
I have buddies around here who could still lent me a hand when I need.

Shu shu, I heart you too.
So nice of you to send me a card from Malacca.
"Waddle I do without you?"
It simply applies on me too. = )
Hope that you are fine with everything.

Till then. *muah*

p/s: this post is written on 30th of July 2007.

Answered ?

Yesterday there was no water supply at Wangsa Maju, but there was Kenneth to pick me up to his house for a night = ) Thanks heaps !
They'd finally escaped from having Mamak and McD for every single dinner because they've ordered a catering service. Good for them aight = )
Okie okie, the moment of truth --- I went there to makan dinner la... its been a while since I last gathered with them, and yeah, I miss them, all of 'em.

And then, my course-rep went to appeal for the exchange of tutor for the subject - English for Engineering. Well, I guess the first part of my prayer has been answered and I shall pray more, with wishes to get a better tutor = )

I got to go for a seminar already though ...

Till then. See ya ...